There is a weird kind of quiet that settles into your home after divorce – one that feels heavier than any silence you experienced during your marriage. If you’re nodding your head right now, I see you. Keep reading.
When Divorce Loneliness Hits Different
Marriage had its own version of loneliness: distance in bed even when he was physically there; silent treatment over dinner; and disconnected emotions and unshared thoughts. The mysterious “space” he needed when you had no idea where he was or when he’d be back.
This new emptiness feels different though.
It’s the echo of your footsteps in an empty house when the kids are with their dad. It’s watching invitations slowly disappear from your inbox. It’s that knot in your stomach when you walk into church alone, seeing families sitting together.
And, the lovely late nights when your best friend (Netflix) boldly asks if you’re “still watching” and you suddenly realize you haven’t spoken to another adult human being all day.
You’re Seen in Your Sadness
First, let me tell you something powerful: There is a special place in Jesus’ heart for women who experience loss and sadness. The woman at the well, the widow of Nain, Martha after Lazarus died – He saw them and spoke directly to their hearts. Your loneliness isn’t invisible to Him, and every emotion you’re experiencing is completely understood by Him. Betrayal, abandonment, accusation, misunderstanding, fear, sadness, disappointment… He felt every one of these.
Why This Loneliness Feels So Different
This loneliness feels different because it is different. It carries the grief from the death of something, not just the heaviness from the disappointment of something. There is also so much tension in this space between the now (death of something) and the not yet (rebirth of something).
Change is hard, even in the best situations. But know – you are not alone in feeling all of these things. Countless women have walked this path before you, and many are walking it alongside you right now, even if you can’t see them.
Finding Courage in Vulnerability
Filling the space created in your life by divorce isn’t easy. It requires a vulnerability that you might think you don’t have the strength to embrace right now.
But here’s the truth: You do have that strength. The courage God has already given you for this journey will surprise you. It might even shock you!
Practical Steps for Your Quiet Nights
Start small: create new rituals for those quiet nights. You know how everyone tells new moms to sleep while the baby sleeps? All new moms respond with, “Yeah right, there’s too much to do!” It’s like that. As a seasoned mom, you know that “stuff” will be there later – so take your own advice and take time to rest and recoup. Everything feels so much worse and much more magnified when you are tired and run down.
Consider:
- Dinner with a friend who makes you laugh
- Coffee and a walk around the lake
- Watching your favorite show without interruption
- Taking up that hobby you set aside years ago
What’s NOT on this list: Reading more self-help books about how you “could’ve” or “should’ve” done things differently. Listening to relationship podcasts. Deep-diving into social media to check up on your ex. These are not ways to spend this precious time.
Embracing the Sacred Quiet
There will come a day when this loneliness doesn’t sting quite so much. When you’ll recognize the difference between being alone and being lonely. When you’ll even treasure some of the quiet moments that are all yours.
Until then, be gentle with yourself. Reach out when you need to. Rest when you can. And remember that even in your loneliest moments, you are held by a God who specializes in walking with women through their deepest sadness.
What small step will you take this week to transform your lonely moments into meaningful time?
xo ♥️
Kristi
