Simple Tools for Letting Go of Guilt, Boundaries, and Overwhelm
A while back, I told my son I wasn’t buying the fancy scented laundry beads anymore because he clearly didn’t care about his laundry. Without missing a beat, he looked at me and said, “Mom, I do care… that’s why I put all my clean clothes in my laundry chair.”
With a completely straight face.
Like the laundry chair is a universal household system everyone should understand.
And honestly? I realized… it works for him.
He found a system that fits his reality — not the Pinterest version, not the ideal version, but the practical, real-life one.
I tell my clients a similar thing all the time:
Buy the dresser.
You know how some people are hang-everything-up people?
And some want to be those people… for like two laundry cycles?
If that’s you with laundry — or with anything else in your life — here’s your permission:
Match your expectations to your reality. Life’s too short to lose your peace over laundry.
And here’s where it really hits home:
The holidays are a lot like laundry… our expectations are higher than our reality.
We imagine picture-perfect tables, matching outfits, deep conversations, and meaningful memories.
But real life? Real life is full of imperfect people doing their best.
Families are made of humans — real ones, with quirks and clashing personalities and opinions you didn’t ask for.
So of course holidays come with tension, mixed emotions, and moments you wish you could fast-forward through.
Whatever it is that ties your stomach in knots before holiday gatherings…
this year can be different.
You can still be at peace — no matter what.
Here are three things you can do AHEAD OF TIME to protect your peace this holiday season:
Make a plan you can actually live with.
If being around family feels too heavy, do something different this year.
Plan a Friendsgiving. Host a game night.
Invite someone who doesn’t have a place to go.
Serve at a food pantry or church event.
Choose something that doesn’t drain you — choose something that lets you breathe.
Know your top three emotional triggers — and prepare your responses.
Before the day even arrives, ask yourself:
“What’s most likely to come up that will unsettle me?”
Then practice your go-to response using this simple formula:
1️⃣ State your position
2️⃣ State what you want or need
3️⃣ Ask an open-ended question to redirect
For example:
“I’m not ready to dive into that topic today, but I would love to hear about your new job. What’s been your favorite part?”
If they push, you can repeat yourself kindly… or excuse yourself completely.
Remember: Necessary, Emotion-free, Short, Sweet, Repeat.
Make an exit strategy.
This is not rude.
This is wise.
Decide ahead of time what you’ll do if things go sideways.
You can even say it upfront:
“We’d love to come, but we have to leave by 2. What can I bring?”
Healthy boundaries are easier to hold when they’re established before emotions are involved.
My first Thanksgiving after the divorce, the kids were with their dad.
I dreaded the well-meaning invitations because I knew they’d lead to emotional conversations I didn’t have the energy for.
So I asked myself ahead of time:
“What do I actually want?”
My answer?
A quiet day alone (a true miracle as a homeschooling mom of three littles).
Garlic shrimp scampi (a food my son was allergic to).
And to watch the, then long awaited, Gilmore Girls Day In The Life — no judgment.
And you know what?
I wasn’t sad.
I wasn’t lonely.
I wasn’t depressed.
I was at peace.
Why?
Because my expectation matched my reality — intentionally so.
There’s a song called White Woman’s Instagram (not necessarily a recommendation, but funny) that jokes about backlit photos, perfectly framed avocado toast, and dreamy sunsets.
It’s funny… because it’s true.
Those curated moments create holiday expectations none of us can live up to.
My real life?
Ten kids. Ages 18 to 28.
I never know who’s working, who’s with friends, or who’s speaking to me on any given day.
The odds of getting all 12 family members in matching flannel shirts at a pumpkin patch?
Negative zero.
So I don’t expect it.
Here’s what I do instead:
I make a loose plan I can live with.
I snap selfies and random candid photos whenever I can.
And at the end of the year, I have Google photos put them into a $20 photo book and call it a win.
That’s my reality. And it’s good.
Your holiday doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
It doesn’t have to impress anyone.
It just has to be yours.
You have limited time on this earth to enjoy the people God put in your life — in whatever ways are possible and peaceful for you.
So this year:
Match your expectation to your reality.
Act accordingly.
You deserve a holiday that doesn’t cost you peace.
xo ❤️
Kristi